[all energy is borrowed, and someday we must give it back]
“and when you look up to the sky,
see those stars turn into eyes,
it’s not gases and light,
but watchful souls in the night.”
- Nicole Y. (me)
everyday without my Mom is a challenge. people keep saying “it’ll get easier”. honestly, i just don’t see that happening. i have brilliant moments and appreciate life SO MUCH, but i miss my Mom terribly. moments of immense joy turn to longing and sadness in microseconds. trips to the grocery store cut short due to tears, runs interrupted by a flood of emotion. every day that passes is one day longer than i’ve ever gone without hearing her voice. i can barely maintain my composure while typing this, and with each passing day it’s gotten more difficult to handle. i miss her more, and more, and more. i will never understand why she was taken, and feel it’s impossible to reconcile the fact that we were forced to watch her die. i am only 25 years old and i have to live the rest of my life without my Mom. i’m getting married in august and she won’t be there. my kids will never get to meet her. she wanted to be here for those things. she wanted to be here for me! i guess right now i feel like i just can’t do this anymore. maybe tomorrow i’ll wake up and feel differently. but i just don’t think so. i’m sure eventaully i’ll be back but for now, i’m just trying to get through the days and maintain my spirit. my Mom lived her life with such abandon, such hope, promise, and energy. i want to do the same. i find at times i get sucked into this technological world and it can be very consuming. so what i think i’ll do is either A). switch this blog over to a photo blog in a few days or B). create a photo blog linked to this one and put this blog on hiatus or C). disappear from the blogosphere completely. my Mom was so proud of my photographic achievements (i’ve done art openings in Vegas, sold several pieces, hosted images at other galleries) and I want to get back to expressing myself in an artistic way. of course i’ll continue running, and racing, and eating. my personal training certification is coming along wonderfully and i’ll be taking my test in either february or march. life will go on, the world will keep spinning, with or without my updates.
catch you all of the flip side.
















