A good 4 weeks of no running (besides frantic running around, hours of phone calls, lots of laughs, and general care of /time spent with my Mom) will definitely leave you frustrated when you return to said beloved running. **I feel a personal need to disclaimer this by saying that in no way do I feel like I made a sacrifice by leaving to go spend time with my Mom. Being with her and being the person to help her when she needed someone the most is the one thing in my life that I will NEVER, EVER question. I wouldn’t trade that time with her for anything, ANYTHING.** So, my first day back was terrible. I nearly cried. I had no idea how far I’d fallen in just a few shorts weeks. I’d barely gained any weight while in Ohio, but noticeably (to myself) become pudgier, softer, and it was really grating at me. Even typing this I find myself becoming frustrated (I’m still soft). Having had such a terrible first run I was more than hesitant to go back, but J forced me.
My second run was a 110% improvement! I really hadn’t fallen as far as I initially thought. Don’t get me wrong, my lung capacity is lessened, and I take a little longer to warm-up, but it’s not all that bad. If anything my biggest problem is zoning out. I used to be able to tuck away my problems, put my head down and just run. Now I find myself wrestling with thoughts, and understandably so, but I need that solace. It’s slowly coming back to me, but it’ll take time. It’s hard for me to run and not think of her. I’m trying to turn that pain into drive, make positive of the pain, but it’s a struggle. I also don’t want to break down into a blubbering mess on the treadmill (I have yet to return to outdoors running). I’m glad that I find myself craving the run again. I crave movement, and welcome exhaustion – without which I can’t sleep.
OH, what I wanted to mention tonight – I’m feeling that I need a little help getting back on the fitness & clean eating track. Beyond my own life issues, it’s the holidays and I’m feeling extra anxious about gaining weight and being mushy. Tonight while J & I were doing some last minute shopping I spotted Jillian Michael’s 7-Day Detox & Cleanse and thought I’d give it a shot. J ended up wanting to try it too, so we’re going to take our pills together! Haha! Really that’s all it is, taking pills, but whatever works right? And they are natural, no harsh chemicals. I went to Google to figure out what all of the ingredients are so I know what he and I are taking and why! I will start tomorrow, take my weight and measurements and recap the experience once my 7 days are up! As for the ingredients, here is what I found out:
Irish Moss Powder – urinary inflammation and other bladder issues
Ginger Root Powder – to treat nausea, used as a digestive aid, and to help treat inflammation
Dandelion Root Powder – powerful diuretic, stimulates the liver & kidneys while also absorbing toxins and soothing the digestive tract
Buckthorn Bark Powder – treats constipation and is non-habit forming!
Butternut Bark Powder – a natural laxative that’s been used to treat intestinal parasites, also supports healthy liver function
Garlic Bulb Powder – used as an antibacterial agent
Uva-Ursi Leaf Powder – increases healthy kidney function, strengthens and tones mucus membranes or urinary passages, and a digestive stimulant
Yarrow Flower Powder – A diaphoretic (has the power to induce sweating)
Chinese Rhubarb Root Powder – gentle laxative, cleanser for the intestines, bowels, liver and blood, also an antimicrobial, antibacterial, antibiotic and antiviral
Fenugreek Seed Powder – diuretic, antiseptic, rich in iron and fiber, serves as a coating for the stomach, among many other beneficial uses!
Fennel Seed Powder – prevents gas and upset stomach, inhibit spasms of smooth muscles (such as those in the intestinal tract), a diuretic, possesses antimicrobial actions, it’s also a choleretic (may increase bile production)
quickie update.
J & I watched my neice & nephew overnight on Tuesday,
we took them to Light the Night @UCF.
It was so much fun!!!
Joey Fatone from N’Sync and Carlton from Fresh Prince were there!
It was a little pricey but we had a blast!
Then on Wednesday we spent the night @ my dads.
Today was lunch with J’s family,
and now we’re back home to have a nice, calm Christmas Eve.
- Bfast the other day. Oats w/almond milk & almond butter, and a tangerine!
Mikey going down the ice slide!
Ariana and I having cheesin' it up!
Super grainy photo of Mikey & I skating.. "Carlton" is in the background!!!
Just changed the “half marathon” page to “races”,
and put up a new post!
It’ll be the place I update about the monthly races I’m doing,
as well as a source for my training schedules and such.
Almost done Christmas shopping,
how about everyone out there?
Still shopping? Any problems finding certain items?
J & I have almost 100% decided on Curacao in the Netherlands Antilles for our honeymoon!
We’re thinking about the Avila Hotel.
I’m so excited!!!
just a quickie update of photos.
Me being totally overwhelmed @ David's Bridal.
As an early Christmas gift, J upgraded my engagement ring!
Goodies from last nights shopping trip to Whole Foods!
Our new IKEA wine rack.
Life doesn’t always go as planned. As I’ve learned in the past 4 weeks, sometimes it doesn’t even come close. I’ve also learned that no matter how much you prepare yourself for disaster, nothing can really soften the blow once tragedy strikes. One of my favorite quotes, which I’ve posted here several times before, ends in “just keep paddling”. That’s what I’m trying to do. About 4 years ago when the docotrs told me I may have ovarian cancer my Mom said she prayed and prayed for her to get cancer again rather than me. I ended up losing my ovary to endometriosis, but not cancer. 6 months later she was diagnosed with terminal breast cancer. She had been in remission for almost 7 years when the cancer returned. I truly believe that my Mom traded her life for mine. She told me that she never wanted me to suffer through the things she had, and for that I am eternally grateful. Just as my Mom asked God to spare me the pain of battling cancer, I know that in her death she would not want me to suffer either. I know she would want me to “keep paddling”, to keep moving forward and enjoy life. So that is what I will try to do. One moment at a time.
So here are my goals for 2010. I hope that this list would make my Mom proud. She always believed in me, and thought everything I did was to be celebrated. I’m going to miss her encouragement and support so much.
Goals for 2010:
- complete one race every month
- finally take a contemporary dance class
- complete a sprint distance triathlon
- complete a half marathon
- complete my NASM CPT course (i ordered it 2 days ago)
- complete the USA Triathlon Coaching certification
- complete the NASM Performance Enhancement certification
My Mom & I the day I got to Cleveland.
Also, J & I set our wedding date!!! We’re getting married August 21, 2010 in Cleveland, Ohio. While in Cleveland we booked the reception site, and I bought my wedding dress!! My Mom was able to go shopping with me for my dress 2 weeks before she passed. I will never, ever forget that day.
My mom passed away on December 2nd.
Her life was stolen by breast cancer, and I am so angry.
She did everything right, and she fought every single day.
It’s not fair. I watched her body betray her in the worst possible way.
In the end she was about 5 foot 6 inches, weighing around 100 pounds.
She couldn’t walk, she didn’t eat or drink. She slept almost the whole day on Dec. 1st.
I thought she was just getting adjusted to the medications, Morphine and some anxiety pill.
The last time I saw my Mom awake was when I joked her pajamas.
I said she looked like she was ready for a party at the playboy mansion.
She opened her eyes and smiled. The last time she was able to say, “i love you” was days before.
I am so angry. This shouldn’t have happened to her. She was so good.
I want her back. I miss my Mom.
